Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
