he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
