I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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