My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
