Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
