Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
