im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
