i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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