Ambien. No doubt about it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
