Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
please come you make the beer taste better
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
