is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
