About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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