Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
