Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
