I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
