you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
