She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
