I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
