Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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