Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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