i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drake has all the answers
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
