1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
