I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
