I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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