hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
