Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
