currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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