He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
