It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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