im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
