I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
