my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
