I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
