Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
