it wasn't lemon gatorade
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
