I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
