How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
