Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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