If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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