i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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