if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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