did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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