toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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