I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
