I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize