he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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