There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
