i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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