dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
