Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
