Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
