How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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