Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
