I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did i walk over a car last night?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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