i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Come on in and take your pants off
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