she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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