I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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