I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
