why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
