This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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