its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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