Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
