Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
