pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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