Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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