So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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