The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
