It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
