remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
