Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
